Wow, it has been so long sinse i last blogged. I'm guessing that no one will check to see if i have put something new down because i never do. i suck. no! Never! But anyway, I feel i should say a little about what i've been up to....but i dont really feel like it. So where does this leave me? Ok what i really feel like doing is writing down a discussion i'm about to have with myself about where my faith is at and what it has been doing the past two wonths whilst away. Kind of odd. Here we go.
...this is a lot harder to get stared that i thought it would be...
Why haven't i been talking to God? I spend so much time talking to people and listening to people about prayer but when i really think about it, i hardly pray (or at least i have hardly been praying over the past month). Wait, that is only a half truth, i have been praying to God a lot, bringing things before Him and asking for guidence, as well as saying Grace before all my meals, but the thing which i used to be able to do was to just lie somewhere and talk to God about anything. Anything that was on my mind. I haven't felt that friend-connection with God for a while. Why is this i wonder? Have i been too busy? Possibly, but I have had free time. Am i losing faith? I don't think so. Many things that have happened lately have only affirmed what i believe(I shall blog about these more when i get a chance to. That may be after i get home though so sorry). Am i feeling less worthy before God?...My brain pauses on this question it asks itself. This could be it... ...I will return to this. Lately I have been feeling rather content with where i'm at. True, that does sound contradictory to what i've just been writing, but i think it fits in. This trip has been an incredibly happy time for me even though a lot of not-so-happy things have happened(again, i will elaborate in future blogs). Maybe because things have been good for so long that i thought i was finding contentment. But with the thought of leaving.... things have become a little bit more clear(By the way, being content is a very big thing to me, something that i think about a lot....almost too much. Like to the point where i wont be able to find it because i'm searching for something too hard. Cool, got that out.) But anyway, back to what my point of this is, in thinking I was content, I believe I have stopped striving to be with God more. 'Trying to evaluate what my brain has just made me type' - Not trying to say that being content in life is bad because it stops me from connecting with God, more that I had this false idea of what contentment was. Why am I feeling crumby right now? While my Earthly life is going good, my Spiritual life lacks attention and is calling for it.
Cool! Thanks guys! This really helped. I will try and get back to you soon as what is going on. As you can see, i'm a little confused. Hehe.
Just so you know though, I am learning a lot of really good things over here. The people are lovely(at least in this part of America) and i'm physically doing well. Don't let this blog make you think i'm in the poo.
Love you all.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Grimmace,
Just so you know, I check your blog just about everyday, when I do my usual look at blogs and at my own blog, so never think that your blog site isn't being visited or that you are forgotten in our church, as you are mentioned in passing all the time, actually we spoke about you in small group wondering how much longer you were away for.
These thoughts of yours about faith are very challenging and as usual I would love to sit up and wrestle it through with you and for you to be able to voice what seem to be insecurities.
Prior to you leaving, I saw you as someone with such high expectations in your faith and also that you were so strong in faith. The high expectations are great, never believe that I think they are bad, but do not be hard on yourself. You did an amazing step in faith by living over in America for 4 months and I strongly believe that God is right there with you, even if you personally are not reaching out for Him in prayer.
Know that I am thinking of you especially while you wrestle through these struggles.
I look forward to hearing more about your adventures. Try and keep blogging as much as possible, I'll read it.
Hope I can talk to you soon, also let me know how long it is until you get back.
Stay strong, walk with God and know that you have support back here.
Love always,
Grouch
Chirs, I just spelt your name wrong, and I will now start again, instead of re-typing it.
Chris, I always am checking your blog. Maybe only every 2 days instead of every 1 day, because you havn't been doing it so often, but I definately check it.
I honestly don't know what to say about what you have written, but that I encourage you to keep searching through and tackling these issues that you are faced with. I know that what you are doing at the moment is fantastic, and don't think that anything is any worse because you have a few struggles at the moment. There is alays struggles, just know that God will always be there for you, no matter how you are feeling.
I hope you are having a great time in America. You should bring me bvack a super-sized McDonalds meal. In a suitcase. Yes. It will be very good tasting by the time you get back.
Cheers.
Jono.
G'day Chris,
Keep up the working through the stuggles mate. It's Important to keep striving for a better relationship with God.
It's good to hear(read) from you. See what your getting up to etc.
God bless,
Matthew Waters
Thank you all for your support its cool to know that i am still loved...smiley face. as always i will strive to blog a little more cos i know blogging is awasome. I tell everyone here about how awesome blogging is and even though i don't blog all that often, i got labled the 'Blogging King' even though that title should go to Jono or Ban. Sorry dudes, i got it first though.
lotsa love you guys.
I will be home on the 25th. Must have super-huge p-a-r-t-why? Because i gotta!
Little bit of 'Mask' there for you.
ok cool, bye
CHRISFACEBLOG!
I suck at prayer lots. Had a bit of a think and, incidentally, a pray this weekend on the Young Adults Retreat about it. As they say to pregnant women in the maternity wards...keep on pushing, buddy.
Looking forward to your return. Peace. Love.
Post a Comment